The Wound of Belonging
This wound often begins in childhood when we notice how we are different from other children, or when someone points out that we don’t fit in. It’s a feeling of shame that compounds, creating a deep wound that, into adulthood, still gets triggered, even when we do fit in. It’s all about a feeling of being disconnected from others, like you don’t truly belong in any community. Something about you who you are was labeled as ‘different’ or ‘weird’, and now you don’t know how to fit in without changing this fundamental part of yourself. It could make you feel like there’s something wrong with you. You can’t fit into any community in the way that you want. You might be surrounded by people but feel lonely amongst them, self- conscious, separated, unsafe. You might feel uncomfortable with the things that make you different from others, even if these qualities are your actual gifts. As a result, you might turn into someone eccentric and loud who’s trying to get a reaction about your differences. These ‘weird’ qualities are exactly what you play up around others, but not necessarily in a positive way. You come off as odd because you’re forcing these differences rather than showing them in an authentic way, and you push people away. This might make you over-react to any perceived criticism. You do this to break the bonds with people before they have a chance to reject you, because that would be way too painful. Or, you might remain friendly but distant with people. You’re never really comfortable in a group so you’re scared to open up and show your true self. It might be hard for people to get to know you because you avoid becoming truly close. Sometimes people with this wound become obsessed with social causes as a way of feeling connected to society, but this doesn’t make them feel fulfilled. Because what they really want is to belong to a group, not just to the idea of a cause.
Your superpower is that you’re proud of how unique you are. There is no other version of you out there and people don’t know what to do with it, but because of your confidence, they end up admiring and valuing you.
